Shall We Rename The Pacific, 'The Plastic'?

In a recent C & EN magazine publication the American Chemical Society mentioned that plastic did not hold up very well, of all places - in museums! This tickles our senses when we contemplate the irony that as our society attempts to preserve within our sacred institutions, the fine works of 'plastic artists'; their art pieces are actually breaking down under the hot lights and moist air of the museums. In fact, we are still learning much about how insidious our man-made creations are, for in some cases, the broken down molecules of plastic art are drifting to other museum pieces and causing corrosion and staining. Scientists meanwhile, are scratching their heads over the fact that the new decade bio-degradable plastics are not breaking down nearly as fast as they'd predicted. Dazed in confusion, they continue to ponder over how a plastic bottle can break into a million pieces and still not manage to disappear in our vast salt water seas. It seems that if one wishes to amp up the break-down process, one only needs to submit one's garbage to a museum curator. Perhaps museums and kitchen cabinets may pave the way to solving the plastic garbage issue. As a matter of fact, if a scientific study were done on kitchen cabinets, we might find out that if we just left our food in plastic containers long enough, the plastic would eventually leech enough into our food, so as to morph into edible nuggets. It's too bad cancer is the result of leeching plastics because otherwise, we could all just age our container goods like fine wine and ultimately feast on plasti-cookies. Thus, we could solve the world pollution problem with just one well coordinated, globalized dinner meal! With that thought in mind, we suggest that a good healthy glass of clean, filtered water at this time may help us all to better digest the magnitude of our toxic waste issues.